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Wednesday, September 22, 2010


Dear Baby,
    Mommy had some sever cramping late last night & early this morning & she is very scared that you are trying to leave.  I called the doctor & they believe the same thing, so they have scheduled an ultra sound to see if you have a heartbeat.  Daddy took the day off work so he could go with me to the appointment.
    I had another ultrasound & your heart was still beating at a strong 171 beats per minute.  I don't understand how you look & sound healthy, but the doctors are telling me that you are not well.  It is such an emotional roller coaster that none of us want to ride. 
    I saw Dr. Pugmire & she has allowed us a small amount of hope.  She said that my cervix is now closed (she has no idea how or why, but it is).  However, you are still pushing up on my cervix, which is not good.  She said that as of right now, we still have a viable pregnancy, but she believes that I will still lose you & that the pregnancy is going to be day to day as to whether you survive for the next several weeks.  She suggested that I go home & do absolutely nothing for the rest of the week.  She doesn't know what is causing the cramping, but at this time she does not feel that it is because you are leaving. 
    It is so frustrating & confusing because yesterday they said that I would lose you & there was nothing we could do & that was the end of that.  Today, they are saying that yes, I MAY lose you, but now they aren't sure.  It is so difficult to remain strong when every day the situation changes.  She informed me to still keep my ultra sound on Friday to see where things were at. 
   So, again, we wait.  We wait for something to happen or for Friday, whichever comes first.  I am having such a hard time & am in a deep depression & am an emotional mess.  I am holding onto hope for your sake, but scared to do so at the same time knowing what the outcome will most likely be. 
    Again, I ask you sweetheart.  Please hold on & fight for your life.  Daddy & I love you so much & we don't want to lose you.  I just don't know how I could survive if I lost you.  We will keep praying along with our friends & family & hope for the best.

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