Breaking News...

Dear Baby,
    Well, today was very informative, both good & bad.  I had my 20 week ultra sound today to see if you are a boy or girl & to make sure that you are developing normally & that you are healthy.  The most wonderful news is that we now know that you are a boy!  We no longer have to refer to you as the baby, we can now call you by your name:  Ryan Christopher Allard.  We are so excited to know "what" you are & to start referring to you by name.  I have to admit, that I was surprised because I really thought you were a girl.  I am just so blessed to have you & thankful that the Lord has given you to us.  Daddy is very excited as well & of course, we can't wait to meet you!
     The doctor also had to give us some distressing news as well.  The first bit of information is that there is something wrong with your left kidney.  The ultra sound showed that it was distended (enlarged), but they don't know why.  We have to go to a Perinatologist to have a special high tech ultra sound done to see if they can find out what is going on.  Needless to say, Daddy & I are very scared.  The doctor said that you may have to take medicine for the rest of your life or that you may have to have surgery to have it removed, we just don't know yet.  We are continuing to pray everyday that the Lord will protect & heal you & that whatever it is, it goes away on its own.  It saddens Daddy & me to know that you may have to start out in this world with an obstacle, but be assured, that no matter what, we will always love you & we will do whatever it takes to make sure you are healthy & happy.
    As if the kidney information wasn't enough, they also informed us that my cervix is shortening.  This usually happens at the end of the pregnancy when you are ready to be born.  It is way too early for you to come, so this is not good news.  I have to start taking shots once a week to hopefully stop it from progressing & I am on modified bed rest now.  When I get home from work & on weekends, I have to lay flat to keep any pressure off my cervix to help it not to dilate.  Apparently my cervix is in the "normal" range when there is no pressure, but when they pushed down on my belly which applied pressure to my cervix, it dropped to 2.8 centimeters.  2.5 centimeters is when things start to get really serious.  So again, Daddy & I are praying that God will continue to watch over me & to help my body to cooperate & do what it should.  We just love you so much & even though we want to meet you, it is way too early right now for your safety.
    Some other good news I can report is that I can feel you kick quite frequently.  It makes me feel confident that you are strong & healthy.  The doctor said that my placenta is on the front side of my uterus, so when you kick, in order for me to feel it, you have to kick through it which is like kicking through a pillow.  She said that most women whose placenta is in this position don't feel the kicks until much later & sometimes, not at all.  Therefore, you have to be kicking pretty hard for us to feel you! 
    Speaking of us, Daddy got to feel you kick for the first time on Sunday.  He was so excited!  He talks to you every night before we go to bed.  He tells you how much he loves you & how happy he is that you are coming & he always asks for you to give him a kick.  You haven't responded to his direct requests yet, but when I feel you moving, he tries to "catch" you at those times.
    I just wanted to check in & let you know of all the information we have received.  We are just so blessed to have you in our life.  You keep growing & getting stronger & keep kicking Mommy! 




Here are some pictures from our visit.  A profile view & the confirmation that you are a boy!

12 Week Appointment

Dear Baby,
   I had my 12 week check-up today & everything went great!  They were able to find your heartbeat on the Doppler & it was 166 beats per minute.  You also just kept moving & would not stay still for very long!  The doctor said that was great!  You have a very strong heartbeat & you are very active, which the doctor says means that you are healthy. 
Daddy & I were so excited to hear the good news. 
    I have another ultra sound in 2 weeks to check on the "mysterious" spot in my uterus.  However, we learned today that the spot is no longer a mystery.  The doctor believes it was a twin that didn't develop.  We are sad to think that we could have had another child & it didn't grow, but we are beyond happy to know that you are here & that you are growing & continuing to do well.  I am going to try & not stress so much about you (doctor's orders), but it is so hard because I love you so much & I just want to protect you from anything bad. 
   It was such a great appointment, we didn't get any bad news & everything went great.  I think you are going to be a little acrobat when you get here based on all your movement today!  That's OK, you do whatever you want & whatever makes you happy.  Always know that no matter what, Daddy & I will love & support you every step of the way!  We love you sweetheart & will "see" you again in 2 weeks!
   

It's a Miracle!

Dear Baby,
    Mommy had her ultrasound today to see if you still had a heartbeat & she couldn't believe the news she received!  Daddy took me to my appointment & your heart was still beating at a strong 168 beats per minute.  The tech looked at me and asked in an annoyed tone, "Why are you even having this ultrasound?  I'm not the doctor, but there is nothing wrong with your baby".  I was upset that she was asking me this & making a comment given that the whole reason we were there was to see if you were still alive.  I explained the situation to her & she stated, "Well, again, I'm not the doctor & you will have to talk to him, but your cervix is closed & the baby is nowhere near the cervix".  I just laid there completely stunned.  What in the wold was she talking about?!
   Daddy & I met with Dr. Shoenmaker & my mind was racing.  I had no idea what was going on.  He came into the office & looked at me said that he doesn't know how & he doesn't know why & he has never seen this before, but somehow, you have completely moved to the other side of my uterus away from my cervix!  He said that you are no longer in danger & that there is no reason to believe that you would not survive!  He stated that before a miscarriage occurs, you would stop growing because my body would cut off the nutrients to you to prepare for your passing.  However, as the doctor stated, "You are growing like a weed"!  Daddy & I are completely shocked.  I informed him what Dr. Griffin had said on Tuesday & how she had used the words "inevitable" & "unpreventable".  He stated that the information we had on Tuesday was correct, but now things have completely changed 180%.  He said that you now look like any other normal pregnancy & your heart rate is normal, you are growing normally & he sees absolutely NOTHING of concern!  He told me to go home & enjoy the rest of my pregnancy & fully expects that we will get to meet you next April when you are do & he fully expects that you will be completely healthy!
    Needless to say, Daddy & I are so excited!  We are still in shock over the wonderful news.  We truly believe that all the prayers from our friends & family & your willingness to survive is what saved your life.  You truly are our miracle & we couldn't be any happier.
     I have another ultra sound scheduled for October 8th "for my own sanity" as the doctor put it.  He stated that he understands how difficult this has been for us & that I won't believe that everything is OK until I hear your heart beat again & he is absolutely right.  So we can't wait for our next ultra sound.  We feel so blessed that we have such wonderful friends & family who prayed so hard for you & we are grateful that you are a fighter with a will to live.
    As for the bad cramping I had on Wednesday, the doctor has no conclusive answer, but we believe it was you moving to the other side of my uterus with the help from God.  We are beyond ecstatic & are so blessed to know that you are going to be OK!!  So, you keep fighting & keep growing & we are going to keep praying & continue our countdown until we get to meet you.  We love you!!

Hope

Dear Baby,
    Mommy had some sever cramping late last night & early this morning & she is very scared that you are trying to leave.  I called the doctor & they believe the same thing, so they have scheduled an ultra sound to see if you have a heartbeat.  Daddy took the day off work so he could go with me to the appointment.
    I had another ultrasound & your heart was still beating at a strong 171 beats per minute.  I don't understand how you look & sound healthy, but the doctors are telling me that you are not well.  It is such an emotional roller coaster that none of us want to ride. 
    I saw Dr. Pugmire & she has allowed us a small amount of hope.  She said that my cervix is now closed (she has no idea how or why, but it is).  However, you are still pushing up on my cervix, which is not good.  She said that as of right now, we still have a viable pregnancy, but she believes that I will still lose you & that the pregnancy is going to be day to day as to whether you survive for the next several weeks.  She suggested that I go home & do absolutely nothing for the rest of the week.  She doesn't know what is causing the cramping, but at this time she does not feel that it is because you are leaving. 
    It is so frustrating & confusing because yesterday they said that I would lose you & there was nothing we could do & that was the end of that.  Today, they are saying that yes, I MAY lose you, but now they aren't sure.  It is so difficult to remain strong when every day the situation changes.  She informed me to still keep my ultra sound on Friday to see where things were at. 
   So, again, we wait.  We wait for something to happen or for Friday, whichever comes first.  I am having such a hard time & am in a deep depression & am an emotional mess.  I am holding onto hope for your sake, but scared to do so at the same time knowing what the outcome will most likely be. 
    Again, I ask you sweetheart.  Please hold on & fight for your life.  Daddy & I love you so much & we don't want to lose you.  I just don't know how I could survive if I lost you.  We will keep praying along with our friends & family & hope for the best.

Devastation

Dear Baby,
    Mommy had another emergency appointment today.  She was having some "issues" that she wasn't sure was normal & the doctor said that they needed to see me right away.  So, since Daddy was at work, Grandma took me to the appointment.  To be honest, I was a little annoyed because I figured they were going to tell me that it was something small & not a big deal & that everything was OK.  Boy, was I wrong.
    I saw Dr. Griffin & she decided to do a pelvic exam to find out what was going on.  She did the exam, but then stated that she wanted to do also do an ultra sound to collect more information.  I thought it was weird, but was excited that I was going to get to see you & hear your heart beat again.  So, I did the ultra sound & the tech left the room & said she would be back shortly.  Grandma & I were waiting for what seemed like quite awhile when the tech returned, but she also had the doctor with her.  Now, this is my 4th ultra sound & the doctor has never come into the ultra sound room, so I immediately wondered what was going on.  The doctor had the tech bring up an ultra sound picture & that's when my world ended.
    The doctor explained that the inside of my cervix was 100% open & that your little sac that protects you was pushing up against my cervix & was trying to eliminate you from my body.  She explained that I was having a miscarriage & that there was nothing that they could do to prevent it & she believed that you would be gone before Friday.  I was completely hysterical.  I started screaming & crying uncontrollably, begging the doctor to save you life.  She apologized & said that there was nothing she could do & that it was not my fault that this was happening.  I asked her if you could possibly move & she said no.  She explained that once you implanted in my uterus, that is where you would stay & it was not possible for you to move.  I then asked her if my cervix could close so that you could remain in my tummy & she also said no to that.  She explained that because my cervix is already open (& it should not be) it would only close after I had lost you.
    I was completely devastated & shocked.  Never in a million years would I have though the doctor was going to tell me something like this.  Grandma was very supportive & hugged me & tried to calm me down, but nothing would work.  The doctor then explained that losing you could be dangerous to my health, so she suggested that I have a surgical procedure called a D & C to have you removed.  I explained that I could not do that because you still had a heart beat & that meant that you were still alive & that I was not going to do anything while your heart was still beating.  She said she understood & scheduled another ultrasound for Friday to check & see if you had a heartbeat.  If not, we would have the procedure at that time.
    Grandma & I both had a very difficult time trying to adjust to the news.  The doctor answered all my questions, but they were not the answers I wanted to hear.  I could not believe that I was about to lose my precious baby that I love so much.  I had to call work to tell them what was going on & that I had to take the rest of the week off work.  I couldn't stop crying & could barely walk, let alone return to work.  Grandma called Daddy & told him what was happening & he immediately came home from work to be with me.  All we could do was wait to see what would happen.
    We have told our close family & friends who know about you & they are frantically saying prayers & hoping for a miracle, just like Daddy & me.  All I can say to you my precious love is hold on & don't give up because we are NOT giving up on you!  We love you very much!

Dr. Appointment

Dear Baby,
    Daddy & I had our Dr. appointment yesterday with Dr. Hawkins.  She is the doctor that helped us to get pregnant with you.  I had another ultra sound to check on your progress.  Daddy got to see you & hear your heart beat for the first time!  (I will upload the photos when I get them scanned) You are getting bigger.  Your heart rate was 157 & the doctor said that was perfectly normal.  She did end up changing your due date though to April 23rd.  She said that we weren't quite as far along as they originally thought.  It was a little disappointing, but it's OK, they were only off by 4 days.  Our books keep saying that you are a size of a kidney bean, so Daddy keeps calling you his little "Kelly Bean".  It's so cute!
    Our next appointment is October 12th & that will be our 12 week appointment, which means that if you are still doing well, we can FINALLY tell everybody!!  We just can't wait to share the wonderful news about your arrival.  We just feel so blessed that God has given you to us. 
    So little one, you just keep growing & getting stronger so that everything will be good at our next appointment which is only a month from tomorrow!  We love you so much & want nothing but the best for you.  Have a wonderful day sweetheart & I will write again soon 

Dr. Appointment

Dear Baby,
    Today Daddy & I went to see Dr. Pugmire to ask her lots of questions about what foods & medications are safe for Mommy to take while you are growing in my tummy.  The good new is that it is perfectly safe for me to drink my Diet Pepsi or my Iced Tea & that the "special" food I eat that has Splenda & artificial sweeteners in it are also safe.  All of this in moderation, of course.  She did also give me some medicine to take for my back pain when it is out of control, so that was a big relief to me.  We also found out that you are really doing your own thing & there really isn't much we can do to help you along (other than avoiding the obvious such as alcohol, smoking, & illegal drugs). 
    We have some other big news for you.  We told Grandma Jill & Grandpa Mike about you today.  We called them & put them on speaker phone & Daddy & I yelled, "We're pregnant!"  Grandma Jill was so excited she started screaming & crying & said that her prayers have been answered.  We then told them that they absolutely could not tell anybody right now because we have to make sure you are growing & getting stronger.  Grandma Jill & Grandpa Mike always go to South Carolina for the winter & when they found out your arrival date, Grandma Jill said they will have to cut their vacation short so they can come home & meet you when you arrive!  It would be so nice to have all of your grandparents at the hospital to help welcome you into the world.
    Overall, this has been a good day & I am feeling less stressed about your health.  We have lots of people praying for you (including Mommy & Daddy) & I know that everything is OK, I just need to learn a little more patience & continue to have faith.  You sleep well tonight sweetheart & I will write more again soon.

First Appointment

Dear Baby,
   Wow!  This has been an incredible day!  For starters, you kept Mommy up ALL night last night & she didn't get any sleep.  Then this morning, you decided to make my tummy upset & boy did I think I was going to lose my crackers!  Luckily, I didn't, & thanks to Daddy giving me some crackers, everything settled down.
    We had our first Doctor appointment today.  We actually saw the nurse & not the doctor, but she was very nice.  We found out that I am 5 weeks & 5 days pregnant with you & your due date is: April 19, 2011!  We are so happy to have an idea of when you are going to finally meet us!  The nurse gave me a lot of information, but she couldn't answer all my questions, so we are going back next week to see the doctor & get some more information.  I just want to make sure that I am doing everything I can to keep you safe & healthy. 
   I am absolutely exhausted today.  Normally I would be heading to bed about now, but we haven't even had dinner yet.  So, Daddy is making a quick meal & then we are heading to bed.  I learned that you are 4-6mm & that your little heart is now beating & all your internal organs are developing.  It's just amazing to me that you are growing so fast!  You truly are our little miracle & we are so blessed to know you are on your way.
    I'm getting ready to eat dinner so I can go to bed.  Keep growing & getting stronger, however, I would appreciate it if maybe you could let me sleep tonight.  :)  I love you no matter what & you are worth all the pain & discomfort because knowing that you are on your way makes me feel nothing but joy.