Mommy had another emergency appointment today. She was having some "issues" that she wasn't sure was normal & the doctor said that they needed to see me right away. So, since Daddy was at work, Grandma took me to the appointment. To be honest, I was a little annoyed because I figured they were going to tell me that it was something small & not a big deal & that everything was OK. Boy, was I wrong.
I saw Dr. Griffin & she decided to do a pelvic exam to find out what was going on. She did the exam, but then stated that she wanted to do also do an ultra sound to collect more information. I thought it was weird, but was excited that I was going to get to see you & hear your heart beat again. So, I did the ultra sound & the tech left the room & said she would be back shortly. Grandma & I were waiting for what seemed like quite awhile when the tech returned, but she also had the doctor with her. Now, this is my 4th ultra sound & the doctor has never come into the ultra sound room, so I immediately wondered what was going on. The doctor had the tech bring up an ultra sound picture & that's when my world ended.
The doctor explained that the inside of my cervix was 100% open & that your little sac that protects you was pushing up against my cervix & was trying to eliminate you from my body. She explained that I was having a miscarriage & that there was nothing that they could do to prevent it & she believed that you would be gone before Friday. I was completely hysterical. I started screaming & crying uncontrollably, begging the doctor to save you life. She apologized & said that there was nothing she could do & that it was not my fault that this was happening. I asked her if you could possibly move & she said no. She explained that once you implanted in my uterus, that is where you would stay & it was not possible for you to move. I then asked her if my cervix could close so that you could remain in my tummy & she also said no to that. She explained that because my cervix is already open (& it should not be) it would only close after I had lost you.
I was completely devastated & shocked. Never in a million years would I have though the doctor was going to tell me something like this. Grandma was very supportive & hugged me & tried to calm me down, but nothing would work. The doctor then explained that losing you could be dangerous to my health, so she suggested that I have a surgical procedure called a D & C to have you removed. I explained that I could not do that because you still had a heart beat & that meant that you were still alive & that I was not going to do anything while your heart was still beating. She said she understood & scheduled another ultrasound for Friday to check & see if you had a heartbeat. If not, we would have the procedure at that time.
Grandma & I both had a very difficult time trying to adjust to the news. The doctor answered all my questions, but they were not the answers I wanted to hear. I could not believe that I was about to lose my precious baby that I love so much. I had to call work to tell them what was going on & that I had to take the rest of the week off work. I couldn't stop crying & could barely walk, let alone return to work. Grandma called Daddy & told him what was happening & he immediately came home from work to be with me. All we could do was wait to see what would happen.
We have told our close family & friends who know about you & they are frantically saying prayers & hoping for a miracle, just like Daddy & me. All I can say to you my precious love is hold on & don't give up because we are NOT giving up on you! We love you very much!
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